Not So Dirty Dancing

As it turns out, an exercise routine is hard work – which I suppose is one reason it’s referred to as a workout. But it’s more than just the actual exercise that takes work; you have to get a routine that’s right for you . . . that’s the really tough part. And for us procrastinators, it’s a fabulous excuse to just not get into to that routine right away.

First, you have to decide what kind of cardio you want to do – running, swimming, aerobics. Then you have to decide if you want (or can afford) help – a gym, a class, a trainer, a friend that makes you go walk with them even if it’s cold or hot or you would rather have cookies. Then you have to decide what’s going to distract from the fact that you are actually running around in circles or jumping up and down like a fool – creating a good playlist (which can take days, by the way) or possibly that friend. And then, and this is the big hurdle, you have to be motivated to actually exercise – aahh!

Me, I think I’ve finally decided on a routine I might like . . . we’ll see. I decided that structured workouts would be best for me, but classes and trainers, well I’m not one to do things like high kicks in public. So I bought a DVD . . . a dance DVD. I had made a playlist, but the beauty of the dance DVD is that there’s music built-in. I plan on mixing that with walking the dog and some situps, pushups, and such. So I have a plan.

I did the full DVD for the first time today (I’m still working on that motivation bit). And I have to ask, why exactly did I choose to go with the cardio-dance thing?? I was starkly reminded for the entire hour of pas de bourrees, “New Yorkers,” and triples that I have absolutely NO rhythm, period. And for someone who has never taken a dance class and rarely frequents a dance floor for fun, the steps were confusing and the tempo was usually a bit quick – not that I ever kept tempo. The result was a combination of the Dirty Dancing montage where Baby just can’t get the steps right and an episode of the Wiggles. There is a reason I don’t dance in public, usually.

Occasionally the dance instructor will encourage you to improvise, to add “your own fun moves” or “have fun with your arms,” but man, I’m too focused on trying to figure out what exactly my feet are supposed to be doing and how in the world she can move her midsection like that. Perhaps my sister could get a hang of the body roll and add her own fun hip thing, but I just don’t get it. (And yes, apparently the body roll is an official dance move associated with the cha cha – maybe that’s common knowledge, but it was news to me.) My God, when they asked me to spin in the middle of two moves that I just managed, well, this is where the Wiggles moves came in handy.

But I guess the good news is that it got me moving for an hour straight – it certainly got my heart rate going. I suppose I chose the dancing because it’s a good distraction; it’s meant to be fun, which is what I want, but I’m also somewhat of a perfectionist and wanting to get the steps right takes away from the amusement part. I’ll get better at it – as soon as I learn to “clinch my buttocks as I bend my knees” and keep rhythm while hopping and tapping my toe some-which-way. Until then, I will be Baby when she and Johnny danced at the club and she tried poorly to ad-lib since she couldn’t do the lift, I will be that for an entire hour! (Man, I think I’ve seen that movie too many times.) It’s just too bad I don’t have Johnny to teach me the samba – now that would be motivation.

Alas, I suppose the motivation should be health or energy or attractiveness . . . here’s to health.

Choose-Your-Own-Adventure

Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books. You remember those, the ones where you are the main character and you have to choose whether to use the foot bridge or take the ferry into the dark tunnel to get over the raging river. But then, it turns out that the footbridge is two hundred years old, shaky and dilapidated, but the dark tunnel takes you through a miraculous cave with talking animals and hidden treasure – who would have guessed. You tried to make the responsible, most probable choice, but ended up flying through the air and climbing up the fallen bridge to save your life. Choose the tunnel next time . . . but then next time the safe option really was the safe option, of course. As it turns out, those children’s authors weren’t trying to mess with our heads, they were just trying to teach us important life lessons – number one, that life is COMPLETELY unpredictable.

Sometimes you’re confronted with a decision and choose what seems like the better choice, this then leads to another dilemma, and you choose all over again. You don’t really feel like you’re choosing your own adventure. You never get what you choose. See, the thing about these books is that sometimes the option that looks like the peaceful, fun, or smart choice ends up leading you into a messy, dangerous place – not what you chose. Things are so not what they appear, lesson number two.

There is always another decision to make. This could be the one that leads you to safety and your happy ending – choose wisely. But that alligator could actually be your friendly neighbor who really does want to help you to get through the swamp; after all, that cute little rabbit turned out to be a vicious, rabies infected creature. What should I do? Does it matter? Should I just make a decision and live with it? Lesson number three: take responsibility for your choices.

Ok, so the alligator was friendly, as expected. Now you have to decide whether the white horse is trustworthy, or a mirage – perhaps he’s just a normal mule, but hey, maybe that’s ok too. Or maybe you should just hike that mountain on your own two feet and not risk the equine’s questionable intentions. Besides, hikes are nice. And at this point you know that there’s going to be another dilemma at the top of the mountain that you are going to have to figure out on your own, yet again, and that could fast-track you to the castle. You’ll be able to see where it is from up there. There is always hope – lesson number four.

Finally you get to the castle, and the story ends there, as if there will be no further decisions or problems. Once when I was sick in bed all day as a kid, I reread a choose-your-own-adventure book until I had chosen every possible choice in every possible order. I finally knew exactly how to navigate that book so that every outcome was a positive one. I spent the entire day figuring it out. It made for a very boring story. Lesson number five: just live your life, adventure is not perfection.