Welcome to my Existential Crisis

Do you ever get that feeling that all of your motions are extremely rapid and you have to consciously make an effort to slow them down, but at the same time there is a sense of reality that tells you that you are actually moving at normal speeds? This is also accompanied by a feeling that everything else in the world is spinning at inordinate speeds and you are just trying to keep the pace.

Welcome to my existential crisis. I’m pretty sure that they would refer to this feeling as an anxiety attack in some circles. But I prefer an existential crisis; it seems more philosophical and more manageable somehow.

The cause of this crisis: future thinking. I’m in one of those gap-places again where I am forced to think of my next steps. And people are starting to ask me about what those next steps are, which might be the most anxiety-producing part. I’ve updated and reformatted my resume and have started sending out applications for things to do in the fall. (God forbid I just be a student.)

Reviewing your resume is the epitome of existential stress. It forces you to analyze your past, try to predict where you want to be in the future – both the immediate and long term, and then consider where you are right now. Look at these things I’ve done. Does any of it matter? Is it at all cohesive? Has it made any difference to the world, to my skills, to propelling me into the future? Where is it that I want to be propelled? What do I want to do with my life? Does it really matter? Why am I making the choices I am making? Oh.my.GOD.

RELAX, yo. Breathe and reboot.

Wikihow has a 24-step approach to dealing with this existential crisis:

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-an-Existential-Crisis

My personal approach:

1) Coffee

2) Chocolate

3) Make a list

4) Make another list

5) Wine

*Supplement with additional chocolate as needed.

And you know what. It’s working. Life is what it is. And actually, it’s good. It's wonderful. I'm blessed with wonderful friends and family who are experiencing beautiful moments of their own. I do love what I am doing right now. I have had some pretty cool experiences. And surely, surely, there is something awaiting me in the future. SOMETHING…

Moment by moment it is all ok. Truly.