I was re-reading some older blogs in efforts to be inspired - inspiration to blog, inspiration to do things I ought to be doing besides reading old blogs, just inspiration. I don't think that I was inspired. I feel stagnant - like staid water. Nothing good comes from staid water.
But I was struck by a blog entry from February of this year (Shine). I think it mostly still stands true today. I suppose the depressing part of this fact is that it is half a year later (holy crap!) and I am still working on these same struggles. But perhaps the more hopeful (dare I say I am trying to be optimistic?!) perspective would be that I am still striving for the same goal - this desire/need to become a person who is sure of herself without the stench of pretension.
I maintain that this is no easy task. It's a frustrating goal because it involves so much introspection and balancing self-criticism with self-praise (this is something that surely should happen somehow). Constructive self-criticism, if you will - is this possible? It's much easier to simply criticize oneself, without constructing anything.
I used the metaphor of an antique mirror in the old post. Working to replace the warped glass - well I'm pretty sure that the first step in that process is shattering the old glass. Maybe this is where I am right now, carefully removing shards of glass one by one. Now to install that new self image (which I imagine is tricky) and then polish. Shine, damn it! SHINE. It is something to aspire to. And it's not easy.
A more touching quote than the last:
"Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you can't pull me down"
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