Month 1 update

It is the end of January. This fact seems unbelievable, mainly because it is 60+ degrees outside which makes it seem like it should be April, but also because I feel like only yesterday was New Year's day.

In case you were wondering, and I'm sure you are all burning with anticipation, thus far I am making little progress toward achieving any of the goals I have set for myself for the year. In fact, one might say that any progress I have made is negligible.

Is there a restart button on 2012? No?

Ok, 11 months left to get my act together.

The kindness of a stranger

Yesterday afternoon I got a flat tire. I pulled into a parking lot. I looked at the thing. I made a vain phone call to my parents’ house – I knew no one would be home yet and it would have been ridiculous for my dad to drive to Decatur just to change a tire. But, everyone I know was probably still at work at 3:30 and/or lives too far away.

I resolved to change the tire myself. I can do this . . . even though I’ve never done it before . . . even though it’s raining . . . even though I’m wearing a dress. I can do this. I was determined. I began to empty the menagerie that is the contents of my trunk – a lawn chair, a sleeping bag, those freaking shoes I bought this summer. I pulled out the spare tire and jack and, as I visibly sighed, I saw a man pull into the parking lot. He said he had a few minutes until they call him in and asked if I wanted his help to change this tire.

This man is the best tire changer I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of tire changers – I’ve seen nine people change tires, actually. I’ve had eight flat tires on my car alone. (I’ve only been driving for 11 years; this seems like an inordinate amount.) Most people complain about my jack and the lowness of my car; most people break a sweat; most people take more than 15 minutes to complete the task. This man refused to use my sleeping bag to kneel on while he changed the tire. He did the whole thing squatting so he wouldn’t soak his blue jeans. Not a single complaint.

He wouldn’t know how grateful I was for that moment. It saved me from throwing quite the pity party for myself when I failed to change my tire and still had no one to call for help. He barely let me say thank you before he returned to his car and pulled out of the parking lot.

I had assumed that he happened to pull into the parking lot and was planning to enter the building we were standing in front of. Apparently, though, he had seen me struggle with the tire (I’m not sure how he saw that, the parking lot was down a hill) and went out of his way to help me. He changed his plans, without request and without complaint.

This is more than opening a door for someone or baking a pie for a friend. This is having the ability to see a unique need and taking very clear action out of no self interest at all. For someone you will never see again.

I long to become the type of person who displays such kindness.

The beginning of the end

Oh, the smell of clove cigarette smoke wafting through the quad.

14+ hour days.

MARTA at night. (And all the remarkable characters you produce.)

Sweet, sweet caffeine addiction.

I will savor these last moments of my graduate school experience. I will. I will? I will.

A list for 2012

Because January brings daily obligations back step by step and so I slowly am beginning to recharge my daily life. Because I am giving in to my incessant desire to prioritize. Because I can't stop myself from thinking about the future and setting achievable goals seems to quell my tendency to criticize, over analyze, and become a frenzied mess.

Ok, mainly it's because I'm OCD about list-making. I make a list for everything - scraps of paper flood my day planner and apartment; my computer and mind overflow with these lists. So here's a list for 2012 - goals:

1. Graduate with Honors. (Mom would be proud.)
2. Improve my posture. (Mom would be proud.)
3. Find a new source of (paid) employment/adventure. (I would be elated. And Mom would be proud.)
4. Exercise regularly. (I’m determined to utilize the school gym I’ve been paying for over the past almost 2 years.)
5. Perhaps go on more than one (bad) date. Perhaps. (And let’s be honest, Mom would be proud.)
6. Eat less chocolate sweets. Nope. I can’t do this. Even typing this makes me want a pint of ice cream for dinner.
7. Do things I want to do without hesitation – i.e. go dancing, say what I think, ask for the things I want, reach out to people even if I think they may not care to hear from me. (Stop being afraid of making a fool of myself.)
8. Do something uncharacteristic of myself. (Surprise even me!)
9. Leave the country again. (I need this.)
10. Have at least one dinner party. (This falls under doing the things I want to do, really.)
11. Find something to replace #6. (Because 10 achievable goals is a nice round number.)