Cynicism

A quick google search for “cynic” reveals the Hellenistic philosophy that “the purpose of life was to live a life of Virtue in agreement with Nature.” Check it out on dictionary.com and you find a myriad of definitions ranging from “misanthrope” to “habitually negative” to “scoffs at the pretensions of integrity.” Ever wonder how something gets such a bad reputation?

Any of you who really know me, know that I have been far too cynical for my age since I was like five. I mean, there are very few of you who knew me when I was five, but you get the point. I remember the odd Saturday when I was little when Mom and Dad would be wrestling with Rae and David in their bedroom and I would go into the living room and read a book, thinking, “Man, they’re so loud. I wish it was just quiet so I could read.” Maybe that’s not necessarily cynical, but it is odd for a little kid. I never had an imaginary friend - I couldn’t make up a whole person that I couldn’t see. I had a “My Sized Doll” who I named Jenny – she has a band-aid on her knee…I made up that she scraped her knee, really?

I even remember writing letters to God that I snuck outside for him to get, because I didn’t like talking to the ceiling and I needed to know that he was real – I guess I didn’t trust my feelings or what I was told. And taking a letter seemed like a good way to know…he did by the way. (So much for the faith of a child – Jesus had other children in mind when he thought of that one.) I did win a very real debate with a boy in 2nd grade about the existence of Santa Claus, though, because I knew Mom and Dad slept all Christmas night and couldn’t possibly have gotten all those presents out.

I’ve always had this disparity between letting myself dream and being shaken awake by an unhealthy dose of cynicism. As I continue in my amoeba-like growth, this desire to make a difference is balanced ever so delicately with the reality that life is hard and sometimes people suck. Sometimes, when the balance is off, I can spout unbelievable optimism or be propelled into frustrated immobility. But usually, what results is tongue-biting reality where I strive to do good – and of course, throw in a few quick sarcastic remarks accompanied by smirks and glares that betray my veil of good faith. Because like the original Cynics, I do believe that people inherently suck, but should strive to control that suckiness and keep other people accountable too – thus the public disapproval of usually accepted norms in the form of sarcasm and defiant stares.

I mean, in truth, if I were to choose a Hellenistic philosophy (as researched on Wikipedia) it would be the oh-so-moderate eclecticism – it just seems the most reasonable to combine several schools of thought, knowing how we are all so different and that I tend to suffer from an occasional multiple personality disorder. But I also think that a serving of cynicism is a part of any healthy philosophical diet – because it’s good to question people’s intentions and strive to live a life of virtue, unhampered by accepted but useless and pretentious values. Plus, every once in a while you’ll be pleasantly surprised – like not finding your letter to God outside when you wake up in the morning.